What It’s Like To Attend an Anti-Trans Conference As a Trans Researcher
Originally posted on Medium.
Content notes: discussion of conversion therapy/practices, murder/transphobic hate crimes, suicide, parental transphobia, and insensitivity regarding detransition. Some links include misgendering of trans youth or references to incest and childhood sexual abuse.
Being a trans researcher of anti-trans mobilization is a trippy experience. It’s one thing to get glimpses of a person’s or group’s views through random tweets, but going to their events for a deep dive is a whole other level. You’re immersed in a sea of disdain for people like you, or your future generations, only for you get slammed with premonitions as they drop hints about (or even outright announce) their plans for our social eradication. It’s even worse when you know what’s going to come next, even if they’re not quite forthcoming about it, only to be proven right just days later. It’s emotionally and physically draining work, with a degree of impact that I feel like all of us trying to understand anti-trans organizing should approach with both respect and gentleness.
Let me give you an example using my experience at Genspect’s ROGD conference last November. Unlike my other work this won’t be a thorough analysis of the event itself or what threats it poses. I’m building up to that, learning from the aforementioned lesson of being gentle with myself. But right now, I need to work through the emotional impact it has, and hopefully this will help others work through their own to appreciate that it’s okay to care for ourselves too. And, crucially, as TGNC people doing or consuming this kind of work, we must normalize collective care to keep all of us going in this horror show. Because by G-d, some of us need to be in this for the long haul, so we’d better get ready together because shit ain’t gonna stop anytime soon.
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